To: RJ
That is so for real brother. Past year has been so much change, but I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.
To: rj
reading this as an rj has been wild. i miss my bsf too. ive changed so much in the last yr yet my dreams still cling on to her. i kinda hate it.
To: rj
i know it'll never go back to how it was, but thats okay, i have to live with it. we graduate this week, but i'm still hung up on him, i suppose.
To: rj
oh hello again, i wasnt expecting a reply since it's been so long. i reached out to my rj a bit ago. it's not the same, but i tried. how are you?
To: RJ
The foul taste you have for my name is gone, that makes me glad.
To: rj
its stupid but these interactions have shifted me. i couldnt think of those letters without a bad taste, but now they belong to something decent again
To: rj
its stupid, but these interactions with you have shifted me. i couldnt think of the name without a foul taste, but now it belongs to decency again.
To: rj
anyway, at my core im just a sappy person who cares too much. i like learning about other people, so tell me whatever you want to-i'm here to listen.
To: rj
stranger you've changed my perspective--"rj" doesn't feel like as much of a curse anymore, just a name. the ache feels lighter, less loaded.
To: rj
i learned to love it because he truly was everything at a time. being human is so beautiful and so torturous--loving is a gift and a curse.
To: rj
i used to hate the name the j in his "rj" stood for. the name had sounded snobby to me, like a kid who knew their parents earnings cause it was GOOD
To: rj
that i take my drinks iced, that i have so much love in my heart for strangers on the street and internet--but i wanted HIM to know it, him.
To: rj
i think as humans we have the desire to be known. i want it to be known that i love yellow, cry too hard at movies, think of the people with music
To: rj
my rj used to treat me like i was one of the most special things in the world. now it's as if we'd never lived and hurt, never knew the intricacies.
To: rj
i do have hope that they can work too, its just a different kind of codependency, and frankly, it's gutwrenching in the end.
To: rj
thats one of the things about boy-girl friendships too. it feels like no matter how good they are, they're bound to crumble. i wish it wasnt the case
To: rj
it's hard to let go of people who you know are troubled too, especially when you're close with them. 6yrs is a while, a lot of life lived since.
To: rj
man, i feel that. theres something devastating about losing the people that became part of your daily routine, part of you. it feels like a lost cause
To: RJ
Both of these wonderful God given woman I have hurt in my relations with them,If I had a choice to go back I would debate meeting them for their sake.
To: RJ
But even through all of our ups and downs I cant help but choose to love her. Even though her love language and my beliefs conflict I am hopeful.
To: RJ
2 is a girl that we did end up on and off, even now I feel like were supposed to be together. I wish her the best because she has a lot of problems.
To: RJ
We used to play games and used to talk every night. She had a lot of good opinions imo lol. She put me on to good shows, I think of all we were often.
To: RJ
I couldnt leave it alone and because of it things had to come to a close and she moved away-year or so after. could reach out but she wouldnt want to
To: RJ
I knew her at a very pivotal point in her life and I was a ban influence in every sense looking back. I kept trying to push the limit for my is gain.
To: RJ
Thank you for sharing. 1 is a girl I knew almost 6 years ago now, almost no chance of holding a conversation. Im sure she wants nothing to do with me.
To: rj
what about the people you miss? i think the chance that we aren't eachothers person is even slimmer now, but now im curious just as a person, yeah?
To: rj
thats the shortened version. it sounds pathetic, i know--i wish i could be over it all but i tend to hold on a little too much.
To: rj
nowadays, things are very on and off between us. we don't talk like we used to, but i miss the version of us that used to-i miss that version of him
To: rj
i'd gotten re-diagnossed with MDD and GAD last year at the same time things shifted between us, so i lost that support line.
To: rj
anyway, he'd always been someone that i deeply trusted, but he started to weaponize my own truth against me, threatening to spread it.
To: rj
id moved from across the country a few years back, and he was the first person to know about why that was the case (childhood trauma, no big deal now)
To: rj
i fear its quite the long story. we were very close friends for a bit, and we used to call practically 24/7.
To: rj
i found it the same way!! i've had letters sitting there for years that are still yet to be sent. this site is so much more efficient.
To: rj
y'all ever had a friend that you miss real bad all the time? he's like that for me. frankly i think it's stupid but i can't help it, it's human
To: RJ
How was your relationship with him like? The highs and the lows?
To: RJ
I might not be him, but the chance is not below 0. The effect you have by even potentially being anyone that has known me personally means a lot. Thnx
To: RJ
Thank you for that, it really does touch my heart for you to say those things. Also, I found this because Unsent is slow and not as good as this.
To: rj
and listen, you WILL make things right. youre trying and that shows you care. keep going stranger, you have good in you. id love to talk more pro-rj
To: rj
its like ive become attached to a stranger in a way. you share his name, and hell maybe you ARE him, but regardless, you think well. i respect that
To: rj
you have lots of decency in you, i respect that. weve all wronged people, but theres a lot of hope for you man. its crazy how we meet people here
To: rj
i fear you may not be my rj, i doubt he even knows of this site. either way, is it bad that i wish you were? you remind me of him in the early days
To: rj
i understand. i think that youre already doing well by acknowledging what you may have messed up-thats telling into who you are!! good on you
To: RJ
My hope is always to make things right, yknow?
To: RJ
I want a covenant commitment but I truly am unsure if I will ever be ready for something that long term. I am fickle and I don't know why.
To: RJ
In my heart I want to make things right between everyone Ive wronged, it hurts me that I can never get it right.
To: RJ
Ah, I see. As a professional RJ, I have hurt many. My heart goes out to you and Im sorry. I have ruined good things for pushing too hard.
To: rj
i've vented a lot, so what about you? tell me about the person/people you're missing. i'm listening.
To: rj
it's not all his fault either--we've both had our ups and downs. i just miss how he used to be, how the two of us were.
To: rj
i hope the same. it's not that i haven't tried, but rather that i've tried too much and the same results keep happening.
To: RJ
There are so many RJs in the world but in my heart I hope that you are talking about me.
To: RJ
You vent an awful lot about how you miss him, if you really feel that strongly, why don't you say something? You might be one of the people Im missing
To: rj
ever have a friend that you miss really bad? he's like that for me. it's stupid but i suppose feeling deeply 4 someone is part of being human
To: rj
god its honestly embarassing that i'm still hung up on it--he's js the 1st person to treat my problems like they mattered rather than w pity i guess
To: rj
to be brief, i had this bsf named rj. we were mad tight but we had a lot of ups and downs--that kind of platonic-romantic-but-not friendship, yk?
To: rj
TWO RJS WHAT?? why do you both type like him this is unnerving
To: RJ
This is a different RJ then was involved in the conversation. If its really on your heart then speak up here. Im listening. Reveal what is there.
To: rj
im sorry its just the way you're phrasing things that reminds me of him--"all but guarentee" fk man, fk. ik its prob not, but i want it to be. so bad.
To: rj
it doesn't matter. is it bad that i want it to be you? can we just try? i'm sorry for being too hopeful, i know i'm prob wrong. i just miss u if its u
To: rj
(4 the reply) i'm too nervous to text if it isn't actually you--what letter does your last name start with? i want to be hopeful, so hopeful.
To: rj
this is for the person who said to text. if it's you, will you tell me? will you write that it was you on this site? please i need to know imy
To: rj
this is my favorite color. you would know that if you still cared, if you still reached out. stop acting hard. i miss the days when you were mature.
To: rj
i wanted to text you tonight--i've been wanting to, but i won't. it's no good for me anymore, and you don't listen even though you act like you do.
To: rj
i love you so much, i'm sorry i don't show it as much as i should (getting better i think) but thank you for loving me anyway - tori
To: RJ
This is RJ. Dont say in another life. This is the only life here we have. Talk to me. We are all broken people. May God bless your caring soul. -Yours
To: RJ
I cant listen to Mac anymore without thinking about you. i wish things worked out between us. Maybe in another life Darling.
To: Rj
I wish you'd reach out, even if we dont talk Im still here for you. I miss you so much it hurts
To: Rj
I don't know what I want from you but I always got the feeling that you secretly love me but would never confess. Please tell me I'm wrong. -B
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