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Messages Found: NaN
We were everything but you left me with nothing. I'll always love you even if you chose a boy over me.
Dee imy
I didnt want u perfect,I wanted u to see me. I wish I hadn't made so many mistakes. I wish u tried like I tried. Im sorry for all the mess in ts site
my last message,I felt lost these past few months and I was angry, I tried everything and I wanted u to change because ive changed for u
lowkey realized that I had actually managed to heal my anxious attachment but the other problem was ocd. Brochacho why I realized this rn damn
ive asked the creator to delete all of this and I think its still work in progress, but really, thank you smsm girls/guys, we are gonna be okay !
wrote it to the wrong person sorry gang
that um I'd rather bury myself. Im feeling better. My texts should be considered spam and Im sorry for the troumble im a dumb11s
I wrote here because I didnt have anyone to talk to+she will never see this+I will never contact her again even If i fix myself
ts while in contact with her? and btw when i understood that we didnt get along, I was the one that left(ended the frienship).
for the first person, thanks pal really. For the second, i was talking to someone and i already said the motivations, do u really think that Im doing
HAHSHKSDJJDTHANKS BROCHACHO ill remember u when i finally win (aka make peace with myself lowkey) !!
one day everything will be okay, I just have to try harder and I'll make it, thank u again pal
you are very gentle thank you really, I will follow your advice!
im sorry i thought that writing here everything that crossed my mind would have made this feeling go away,imnever gonna write again except for answers
ik u arent mean dw, I just want to be normal but I can't take anything lightly, I thought i surpassed my anxious attachment why im still like this
if yall are worried shes the first and last person that "reduced me like this", w others im just chill and i just try to make them happy in any way
yeah sounds cool but ive already been in therapy for years and it didn't do anything, lowkey im tired and im just healing in my own way
therapy tho too?
Thanks for your concern tho sorry if i sounded rude, if it bothers you I'll stop this site just gave me some strange feeling of comfort idk
im doing ts because i know if i dont write here im never writing again and things would just bubble up inside me and i dont want to disturb anyone
never read all of this. But anyways if yall have some problems with a "mati" or yall are a mati and yall dont like this dw i can stop if u want
dont even have/want in my life anymore? brochacho im NOT that rich and i dont want to disturb my friends, im doing this because im sure she will
this lowkey made me laugh but im 100% sure u didnt read the reason why im doing this, btw i should pay 50 euros every time to talk about a person I
therapy
....
answers to my ""problems"" i just wanted to let u know your opinion mattered to me and bruh why am i still doing this
x3 worse. Also lowkey Idk if u had a strange impression about the times where i asked u smth random just to stay in contact, btw i already had the
why she wants me around her when she doesnt feel very well? I was confused about it and when I was angry in our last discussion I made this confusion
and i asked to myself, if shes an avoidant (so she doesnt really feel the care I have for her and she doesnt let herself really care about others)
but I always took our conversations where u confided in me very seriously and I just couldnt understand
I didn't understand why even though you are avoidant and u said u didn't want the help of anyone, you confided in me. I mean, asking for help is good
(absolutely telling the truth, sorry for the mistake), even if we had our little discussions I didn't have any "inside n secret" anger towards you
that i felt like this for all our frienship. I mean, i didnt put a mask and when I said I couldnt feel THAT anger anymore i was asbolutely telling
btw i dont regret what i said in our last discussion because i really thought that, but now that I think about it I dont really want u to think that
I have two different opinions about you that lowkey fight each other
why i still want to understand us wth, at least I understand that my opinion of you changes based on how I feel, its like
maybe I just wanted your love to prove to myself I was lovable. Its a good sign I dont want it anymore orr
I don't know why if I know I feel one way then I try to write the exact opposite.
I just want to do the right thing, but sometimes it feels like I dont get anything right
I wish I wasn't like this
I can't figure out whats the right thing to feel. Sometimes I write with the fear that I might judge myself later or that you might see the messages
if they touch me i feel like more disgusted? wth is this, it feels like romantic idealized love is poison for me, did you feel that way too?
btw idk if this is an avoidant thing or smth but when someone says they love me romantically and I somewhat notice ts It makes me disgusted in myself
naw, love is not the right word. I still care (like everything else but anyways) but the "loving u forever" doesnt feel right
im so d11mb what the helly,
love doesn't want anything back. I don't want your love anymore but I decide I still want to love you, so I let you go
sometimes I was angry because I couldn't figure out if your behaviors were caused by your avoidant att. or something else
Well, goodmorning lia, u have 3 anxiety disorders, what did you expect. Im the dum.est m1f i know
i just realized that i wanted an explanation of why I felt vulnerable/unstable w you,
"being vulnerable with someone who refuses to be vulnerable back feels like a humilation ritual" this is so real
sometimes I force myself to write on this site, i feel like I must not lose my ability to be vulnerable and embarassing, i dont think this makes sense
I hate Summer, I love Summer
I hope we never talk again
if all these messages are a problem to someone no problem u can tell me and i will stop !!
if u need help btw im here pal ! its the least i can do skfjdk
fact that i wasnt able to stay by her side,obvs she wasnt a bad person but i just wish i could have been strong enough to not disappoint myself
Yasulie u are very kind seriously love u MWA, but like i dont miss her. THIS IS A WILD TAKE after like writing 293783 messages but i just hate the
to the wall, idk if this makes sense LMAO. And its not like im really sorry about writing here because uhh theres a 1% chance that she'll find out
YELLOW ONE u are lowkey right but i dont want to disturb my friends but i need to talk about ts and writing here is like im not just writing to the
LIKE ts is embarassing to say but when im with matilde im vulnerable and idk why/if she knows this and i dont think she cant handle smth like this
we haven't spoken since August (?), jesus and im still like this. The fact is that now i know how to handle a situation with an avoidant/anxious, but
but like shes an avoidant and i am too (but now i can handle it) but uhhh i had an anxious attachment to her and then many things happened, we dont
BTW THANKS YASULIE im sure she would have appreciated your message, you are very kind and even after everything i know you arent wrong
i am weak too
if you see these messages, I'm sorry ive thought u were weak, lowkey handling an anxious person as an avoidant isnt simple so yeah. If you are weak
HEYLAAA PAL,sometimes when i think of her im still angry and i say things that I don't really mean and i regret it when im not angry anymore
I convinced myself that you were weak to make me feel better about the fact that We both s..k with feelings
i thought that having a father with addictions and a mother with narcissistic tendencies made me feel a little more justified to be this f..ked up
In some messages the grammar is so bad that I would like to ask the creator to delete this site
btw sometimes im so embarassed of those messages that I don't correct the grammar so I can just send them without thinking too much, wth am i doing
You didn't really use me, did you? My heart tells me you didn't use me, but my mind is confused. Highkey confused
am i tweaking or isnt this beatiful? It reminds me of the flowers that grow above the concrete
it doesn't have to be this way forever. Nature created us, and with us it created a heart that desires love and can go beyond the laws of nature.
but i think that nature is not only that. It gives birth, death and rebirth, and even if theress "the law of the strongest"
but the reality is that not the whole world is burning. Yes, most of it is burning, nature is unfair and justice isnt the ruler
and maybe deep down we know how to open the box, but last time we did it we realized that our parents were right
we threw our hearts into a locked box and forgot the combination
love can't coexist with "I only need myself" mindset, It makes your heart cold and even if someone loves you cant really feel it
and if you let go of your "i only need myself" mindset you will surely be burned by it. In this way love for u probably feels like self-destruction
based on what you told me, i think you were taught that independence is the only way someone can live without being crushed by the world and that
really had hope about me. Despite all of this there was a thought that made me wake up about all these "my family is worse" bull..it
even my parents betrayed each other and I found out. I hated the thought that even after all this i was still able to not give up on u while u never
I too initially had the hope that my parents could change, they have not always been like this
i thought that having a father with addictions and a mother with narcissistic tendencies made me feel a little more justified to be this way
when I was angry I had the selfish thought that my family was worse than yours,there arent things i havent told u and probably this is the same for u,
when I find the courage to criticize you in that moment Im also criticizing myself
i discovered your weaknesses because I feel them too
At one point I did the opposite of idealization, I tried to look for the worst in you and then move on. I think this is an avoidant move but anyways
the only difference is that I think I loved you more than they loved me, they idealized me a lot and at first i idealized u a lot too
i say this because even if i didnt really talk to u much about this, i am an avoidant too, 3 people had an anxious attac. while i was the avoidant one
I still think a small part of your toxic behaviors could have been controlled if u tried, like being mean while the other person is being nice to u
I lowkey convinced myself that you were weak to make myself feel better about the fact that when it came to you I was the weakest
never talking again feels wrong, talking again feels wrong too, wtf
but before that i need to say the bad things ive done, i am not innocent
I've lowkey complained too much on this site, i noticed that somebody reads my messages so i will write the positive things too
I wish I wasn't so emotionally weak
matilde if u see all these messages uhhh it wasnt me, like yeah but lets pretend not because WHAT. the night has bad effects on me
uhhh creator if u see my messages let me know if i can delete my messages because this is the most embarassing thing ive ever done
but if i need to be honest, i would appreciate knowing that she has the intention to write to me, but idk what could happen after that
my anger is as strong almost as my love, its very easy to hurt my heart and im very protective of it. I have absolutely no intention to write to her,
Im a person that feels too much and my mind is very much influenced by my heart, i feel when smth wrong, shes an avoidant and she cant handle love
-I dont know If im strong enough. She isnt a bad person, but my heart wants to save everyone and this doesnt work well with her mind,
heya! sorry i saw now your message, idk who u are but thanks for you concern!! Tbh im not planning to text her, not because idc but because-
i dont feel angry anymore, but I don't think my heart will ever forgive you. Big love costs a big price
In another Universe maybe we are friends in a solarpunk world, it would have been cool
how your mind works, because your soul its easy to understand and i could have accepted that.
I would have washed your hair if you were having a depressive episode, maybe we could have gone to the silly markets together and I would have learned
time but ik It wont happen and ik you wont care
like one part of me is okay to love u 4ever, but the other part of me feels anger and i just wish u could see me indifferent towards u for one single
and i want to help u and i hate ts because why i cant unlove someone
and btw i notice your pain by your eyes, u dont look fine
you care, but love is something more and im not talking about the romantic one
but at the same time i already know u didnt want really to use me but at the end of the day u did because why u searched help from someone u dont love
but u cant pretend to know the feeling of what Love is if u dont know how to take off the mask
But ik that behind that s..tty indifferent mask u put on theres a kind heart and I just wish the best for it
than my fears and my selfish desire to be helped by someone I cannot love. Never did the last one tho
i dont consider u evil but you were weak and yk that, and i was too but i am strong enough to learn that other people's feelings are more important
dealing fr with feelings. You were cruel but yk how to be kind. I wish i wasnt so stup1dly emotional
and lowkey you used me because you knew that with you my heart was weak and you took advantage of that every time just because u were angry/scared of
I said I gave up on you,It's disrespectful to them still being a dramatic piece of .... just because i couldnt save you it wasnt my responsability
I'm neither avoidant nor anxious, I'm reserved but I know how to have healthy attachments, it did get better
this is wrong i shouldnt have written these mess, i hurted many people's feelings because of the situation i had with u and i did in fact get better
work, it wasnt sane but u can for sure say i loved u with passion and lowkey still paying the comsequences
like u will probably say thank gods for that LMAO but apart from the fact that i suffered like a du..a.s I wanted to do everything possible to make us
prob Aurora and Michela love you in a healthier way but I don't think that, apart from the love ur Life, someone will love u the way i did
well actually no but yes, like you can tell i felt and feel many things about u but feel fr alive its impossible for someone that suffer from derealiz
well actually I wasn't really aware that I was lying to you, some months ago or maybe a year ago idk when, i said to u that u made me feel alive
wait i correct myself, i didnt make u think that what i said was false. For what I can remember, I lied only once
because sometimes i still feel bad that all my efforts were lowkey for nothing, i just hope that the fact that i endend our friendship made u think
well idk why but when i think about u sometimes it feels like we had ts situation for 20 years or like these lesbian situationship of 1 month
thinking about it rn wrote my ig name but i could have simply unblocked u on..idk, roblox?
https//vm.tiktok.com/ZNRArVeHD/pretty relatable the bio ngl, idk i have 0 anxiety about u anymore but im still dramatic about it so idk???
idk why but I still have the habit of always wanting to think that at the end you are right, as if I wasn't the one whose heart broke because of us
your heart was broken by someone that defines herself as a little angel. Well
obvs not all videos too
ignore all the marriage stuff
projectblankk this profile is so damn real but its not ur fault i was broken, i was before we met too but I learned to recompose and recreate myself
I wonder if you genuinely disliked me and didn't want me around or was it your avoidant attachment?
I dont want anything bad to happen to u,i just wish that some random night in the future you'll wake up and realize how much your actions affected me
well yea It makes me sad that only few of my friends have the same care i have for other animals, but obvs i dont let them know,ik its not their fault
eats mainly meat because she can't eat anything else), but Vi still supported me very much, so bro i can assure u that i didnt left u for your choice
btw last time i didnt want to convince u but I valued your opinions a lot and i only wanted to know why+your support (reminder that Vi, my wife,
let me and highkey i felt sh..ty because i felt very bad, so like every day? and then there was our last conver-discussion and i crashed out highkey
and like i had fights like ts not because i wanted them to have the same choice as me, LIKE i never tried to convince them but they didnt want to let
BESO FR bros spent days screaming like crazy at each other and now you're screaming sobad against someone that doesn't want to contribute to that s..t
and my mom (they have a strong voice except my gradma) because i didnt want to eat it and they they were allying with each other like they were bsfs
-saw a video on tt about the meat industry and that, idk how to explain, shocked me and like when i started crying there were my grandma, my father
making fun of me/not being serious about desire to go vegan (now im vegeterian), like one time i started crying while eating meat because before i
I already explained a part, + lowkey there was my mother who had already been tormenting me for weeks n weeks almost every/more times in one day
i hate the fact that i failed, and i really wanted to things to work out. But lowkey the last time you p11ssed me off so bad bro
but I really wanted to help you save yourself
prob you would hate sm to read ts but at some point i felt emotionally responsible of you, they arent really the right words
i lost the patience that I learned to have. Past Lia would probably have pu1nched Lia of some months ago so bad ngl
and now im being prob dramatic or considered too much "sentimental" because i cant handle the fact that with all those fights i gave up, just because
gave a name for what I felt, then it all started to get worse and worse. Somewhat I felt seen and that was one of the first times i felt like this
-you were "special" or had smth more than them. Actually yall are unique in your own way, the only reason i was so desperate towards u its because you
i felt sorry talking about u with the people that had an anxious/lowkey not sane attach. towards me because i didnt want to let them think
Idk what would make you feel better, i def let u go and lowkey never being noticed by u again or spending time here saying what i understood of you??
obvs not for the quotes that are referred to steven
-of Rose and Pearl it looked quite familiar
It's ironic that I had two Rose in my life,one obvs is Rose the other its lowkey you, i wanted to see edits of SU and when i saw again the situation-
you are not my type tho BUT LIKE bro there is no comparison with you and that thing who likes feet and is emotionally 1mmature and fr11.ky as he..
find all of this and then u read ts only for curiosity, I prefer u to think ofme as dramatic n crazy who abandons everything for a "st..id" discussion
sometimes tiktok haunts me with quotes that remind me of you, so uhhh just gonna write that sh.t here with this colour
when i think about this situation i think about that photo on Pinterest where there's a meadow and a closed door in the middle damn.
without the problems we developed during childhood I think we would have been great friends. Damn . At least we became emotionally intelligent ig
without this "illness" we devel0ped during childhood I think we would have been great friends. Damn, at least we became emotionally intelligent ig
without the pr0blems we devel0ped during childhood I think we would have been great friends. Damn, at least we became emotionally intelligent ig
i wonder if u would want someone like me to understand a soul like yours
maybe in an alternative universe you opened you heart to me and i never left, and maybe we dont have the problems we have and we could have been great
And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree. And the most she will do is throw shadows at youuu
She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruelBut she can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool.
without this "illness" we devel0ped during childhood I think we would have been great friends. at least we became emotionally intelligent ig
it will be okay
PUAHAJSHSJSHS IDK IF I HAVE TO LAUGH OR CRY, SAY THIS LOUDER GIRLS N GUYS!! no okay this situation is crazy
i think they like you
yo mati...i think someone is talking about you...
I spent a long time without u knowing blaming myself and defending you, maybe that's what made my anx. att. so long-lasting
but i feel this empathy constantly, and maybe i should have given empathy to myself earlier because
I truly mean the explanations i gave for your actions, but sometimes i dont want to be mature and i wish i could feel the anger and not the empathy
about your actions.It seems strange but sometime ago i was relieved that for once I could say what I thought without the need to defend u
I wish I could write about you without realizing that I understand you, sometimes I just want to get angry but I always end up giving myself a reason
idk if you ever used the "make you hate me" to move on easily but uhm i assure u that if u did that s..t it absolutely doesnt work for people like me
-every old friend of mine has to know that they can contact me in case of need, I don't want anyone to think "no longer friends ... means im alone"
the priv acc where I received your account as a suggestion is sans._ational, just text me if u need help otherwise no
btw if you will ever need love or someone Im here, I don't think you would ever write me something like that out of pride and fear of fragility.
you wanted someone to fight for you but I didn't think you wanted that person to be me, thats why apparently i "gave up"
I'm the kind of person who never gives up on someone, but i started to think that you cared for me but you didnt actually liked me sm as a person
the person to want to smth like this spontaneously to understand you. I dont think you would really like smth like this from me tho
btw i think that all the "what i understood from your reposts" thing, I think you would be annoyed to ask someone for smth like this and u would like
JESUS gonna rewrite that message because i wrote it wrong and cant cancell it
ah and thinking about all the what i understood from the collection of relatable videos, i think you would appreciate it but it shouldn't come to me
when I think about this situation I think of that photo on Pinterest where there is a closed door but it is in the middle of a meadow
what am i doing
like it or not? I think you wouldnt really know how to feel about it, maybe u would appreciate the effort but would u be still confused right?
To be understood is to be noticed. To be noticed is to be loved. If you knew that a person spends hours on your collection to understand you, would u
How am I supposed to make you feel okay, when all you do is walk the other way?
I'll have the biggest crashout in the history of mankind if I find out that you like women. YOU ARE ALREADY MY SUMMER I dont need the upgraded vers.
idk why but writing in english makes me feel a little less embarrassed to write these messages
"just give me six months, and then you can go" i just noticed that i was the one that left after five months. Wild
bro all of this and I didn't even hold your hand or hug you a single time
but you were the Pc to a bojack, and maybe i am the Bojack for somebody. Want to v0mit for ts
you are the Diane to every Bojack but you are the Bojack to my Pc
sometimes tiktok haunts me with quotes that remind me of you, so uhhh just gonna write that s..t here with this colour
-in the dream increased when I saw you, you sat in front of me and we started talking. Nevermid dont wanna write about that
one time, I don't remember if It was dreaming or daydreaming, I was in an elegant bar waiting for you anxiously, suddenly the heartbeat of me in the-
when i think of you i see myself sm in princess carolyn
btw uhhh dont know how to say sorry for the other people named mati that searched their name. Lia is dramatic prob
-her to be worried about me
you are going to respond. Obvs when I feel like It I talk with Vi, she never makes me feel ashamed about my feelings but at the same time I dont want
writing in the Notes. Writing here makes me feel somewhat seen but at the same time i dont feel the anxious feeling that you are reading and that
btw talking about the reason why im writing here and why im talking like u can read all this, its strange to explain but writing here its better than
best friends with her and protect her at all costs". You told me several times that I reminded you of the old you, uhh past lia would have a crashout
brother I JUST opened tt and the first video I see is "One day you will meet a girl and you will see your old self in her, its very important u become
but I don't have too many doubts because the way I felt was very very different compared to how I felt at the beginning
have a genuine connection with u. The only thing that makes me doubt is that you still had the "power" to hurt me very easily. No idea
anymore lmao. Like, I don't think being bothered about your avoidant attachment means i was still anxious about u, but prob because i still wanted to-
i no longer have an anxious attachment towards u. Probably if I was you tho I would have asked myself if I really dont have an anxious attachment-
read all of these texts only for curiosity, in this case I prefer to be considered a dramatic mf who ends everything for a discussion and because
i wonder why im texting like im talking to u like i want you to see all these s..tty and embarassing things i wrote, like yeah i dont want you to
and thats the greatest gift life can give
I think your inner child desires the sensitivity to handle your heart, you put you put on a tough mask but in reality you have a fragile heart
but i realized that me and you are still kids, but this lowkey doesnt matter because even if we get older everyone has an inner child anyways
yours. I felt bad every time I thought of this because I know Its not a war and pain is still pain no matter the circumstances
rarely i had the selfish thought that, even if a have a family more dysfunctional than yours, I have never developed an avoidant attachment toxic as-
youre not my type but theres NO comparison, boamah im talking about u mf
btw yesterday me and Vi talked about avoidants again and i remember that to defend you I said that "at least Matilde was beatiful asf"
to be in my position. Maybe idk If I was a man things would have been different
you didnt fight for me once, while I fought constantly until the last day. Even if you never fought for me u tried to be kind because yk what it means
Part of me wants to know if you find out, the other part of me doesn't want anything to do with you anymore
lowkey i hope u never find all of this because i dont want u to have an ego boost (you arent very muchlike ts ik) or smth random to put in your videos
I didnt give up on you, you are still the house to my wilson
wait nevermind, it doesnt matter because it wasnt your fault, just wanted to say that texting with u mattered more
and like i remember that sometimes when we talked my dissociation got very worse and when it happens i need to feel safe and alone (ts especially
i lowkey didnt fw that because like when im pissed off im not used to talk about it, especially if it's just to complain (even if u/we were right)
i realized that i loved you when, don't know if u remember, there was a time when we almost only talked to each other about what pissed us off etc
continuing a friendship like we did wasnt right, even if staying by your side made me feel in some way safe. I hope I did the right thing
Love also exists for us and we are not destined to be loved like our parents "loved" each other and us
that love doesnt have to come from me, i wished that tho because i knew what my intentions wete and despite everything i want u to realize that-
i wanted for you to have the feeling that you're loved and theres nothing to worry about, a love that feels safe
(obvs a person to be able to understand others has to understand her/himself tho)
i wanted you to think that being understood is not impossible but you "just" need the courage to show what you really are
I understood that I loved you because I was curious about what you had to tell and your soul, I wanted to make u feel seen,
I checked your profile again today because there was a video with 174 likes that I was sure you would have wanted to repost, strange but I was right
Maybe if I no longer show any signs of care towards you, you will be less disgusted by my affection
but its gonna be okay
sometimes it would be easier hating u than having this situation that many would consider embarassing asf, sometimes im still angry ngl
i still love you but i dont need to be loved by you anymore, i win. Ksdjkskd im not coming back In april or smth like that tho, very strange
but lowkey im not letting u win. Its not like I can stop loving you but thinking about it I want to be the proof that someone can love genuinely 4ever
Sometimes I thought that stopping loving you would have been the best choice and maybe the one you would have preferred,
but when the desire to make you feel understood surpassed my need for your love, thats the moment i realized i love you
my first wish when we met was being loved by you,
one time u told me that talking about me with your school friend made her fake vomiting, then you laughed. I think yk damn well that this would have-
btw stop being a du..a.s like i was (UHH i need to censor) and realize that if u feel like nobody really gets u its because YOU DONT LET THEM JESUS
i only said this once to u but like, I was the classic "therapist friend" but in reality I had a big problem with the negative emotions of others-
I think you knew damn well that telling me that would have hurt me. felt like s..t ngl
no revenge because at least I have friends I can be vulnerable with and if they are vulnerable with me I don't treat them like s..t,
btw stop being a d1mba1s like i was (UHH i need to censor) and realize that if u feel like nobody really gets u its because YOU DONT LET THEM BRO
"hope, and inspiration." Not sure about this lil bro
bro it makes me laught that the first thing u see on this app is the phrase "explore a collection of untold messages filled with love..
I wonder if your friends know smth about ts and not only the part where "aaaa i have an avoidant attach. and she has an anxious attach." Wild
trust and never I used this against them. Like thats not smth to celebrate ik but sometimes you were uhhh wild
-towards me, i never treated them like you treated me. Even if I was overwhelmed I never said something to hurt them on purpose, I always had their-
Thats one of the reasons im still angry about all of this, because while i had an anxious att. towards u and Dalia and Mat had an anxious attach.-
something serious about her mental health, but obvs i said sorry like twice sending long messages/audios
and like the worst thing I ever did to Dalia was, while we were having a bad time and were lowkey arguing, not answering her well when she told me-
you wouldnt care, but if Dalia chooses to do smth like this and I find out my heart would hurt, but ur not me and you wouldnt want to care
I had this thought in ts period of time that who knows what it would be like if you discovered these messages when I'm completely over u
-"me and the only girl that gets me". Obvs this is not an excuse to have an anxious att. in any way but like I think that it made everything worse
Idk why but i remember one time when like you had posted a status on a random night (we were talking) and that status was smth like-
you knew that telling me that would have hur1t me, i dont know how to feel about this
one time you told me that talking about me with your school friend made her fake vom.ting as a joke, then u laughed while telling me ts
-never makes me feel ashamed about how I feel. I never asked to be this way, and now thinking about ts I wonder why I begged you so much to love me
-that she wouldn't hurt me, she's very careful with my heart I love her so much. She showed me what a bsf looks like, she knows my secrets and she-
-but she said smth like "at least ...... cared about me at some point" that was wild but i love her reality checks (i knew that she knew that saying-
bro i really tried to defend u, likeee i said smth like "at least matilde was emotionally intelligent" and maybe i said u had good tastes-
-where we (obvs as a joke, somewhat) tried to defend the person we had an avoidant attachment on while accusing the avoidant of the other to be worse.
-you simply dont want to care (sorry for the s..tty english everyone) (aka me and the creator). Yk one time me and Vi had a ironic fight-
of everyone like they were mine. So uh i really wanted u to get better. Even if im still lowkey angry because u will never understand/or maybe u-
even though I tried often to console you and stay by your side always, dealing with that was a big problem because i felt the negative emotions-
never really said this directly to u but like when u were acting miserable (i dont want to shame you for this tho) and didnt want to get better-
first thing, she never consoled me fr because I never gave her the opportunity, unlike u. I was miserable but I didnt want others to be miserable too-
sometimes i think i know how u felt because there was dalia who had an anxious attachment towards me but then i change idea shortly after because-
like what remains is a genuine interest but I have it for everyone I meet so maybe ts is fr a good sign
im not interested in your profile anymore is this a good sign chat (aka creator, sorry bro love u for this site even if we are like 4 using it)
-worry about me, im sure u didnt have this thought about me bro, not peak part 2
using this site for crashout its peak because i know i dont want you anymore but still lowkey I need to talk about it and I dont want my friends to-
imagine that the man u had an anxious attach. with makes a video using his photos and then theres your unsent project about him, not peak yk
I wonder why IG recommends your account to me in my priv account, prob im gonna block again
you use unsent projects (i didnt write/99% they are directed to someone else) prob writed with pan for your aestetich videos wth
im dramatic but youre apathetic and thats worse
lowkey this diary is going too far
im dr..atic but youre apa..etic and thats not better
im lowkey start to think u were actually hurting me on purpose more times than I thought, Al was right
-understand me/make me feel not lonely/empty" if u dont have the courage to face vulnerability.
being vulnerable with someone and have the feeling that ur safe means being understood. How can u have the thought that "nobody will ever understand-
lowkey I remembered rn you're a hypocrite for reposting videos about being left in many ways and then our last conversation was about me against a-
Mati what r u doing to this person bro they proper mad annoyed
im wondering if there are other dumba.. that listened to u till 5am
u told me u hated/lowkey thought u no longer wanted to make videos because of men and then i open your profile and i found at least 50 videos of u BRO
is bad or smth like that but knowing that 80 BILLIONS live life and finish it in that way makes me want to vomi.t
btw i didnt want to talk about all the vegetarian stuff with sm people but when 3/4 find out they made some strange a.. comment. I dont think meat-
to avoid freaking out (I wanted to avoid it but in the end uhh plan failed), I made myself overwhelmed so I could have avoided answering you badly.
-energy for the work he has (bad english asf but anyways). I cant stand your arrogant tone when u want to defend yourself when I,
-listening to me patiently and waiting for me to be able to dismantle my anxiety, told me that they would have agreed 100% if only he didnt need sm-
-become vegeterian wasnt the problem, the problem was that you treated your life choice like its the absolutely truth. EVEN MY FATHER after actually-
-empathy, and like they agree its terrible and they said they would if they werent extremely picky eater. BROOO the fact that you dont want to-
while you did not agree and initially responded like a 6yo craaazy. Neither vi or 3/4 of my friends are vegetarian but at least she talked with-
bro you repost videos about being left and things like that and then our last conversation was me defending innocent from a terr1ble torture
lowkey you are incoerent
thinking about it rn i lowkey cant forgive you and thinking about u loving me gives me nausea
but like you were a piece of s often so why i still wanted to be loved by you, even if i learned to accept you
I'm starting to wonder if I've actually overcome my anxious attachment. Like since I told you I stopped having them for others it was and is true
no lowkey im so angry with you i wish i could h1ate you but i cant
I wish that just for one day our paths would cross again and I would like to be the almost indifferent one,but I think its not in my nature.Ts isdumb.
Idk why but I felt empty at the thought of u, now im just angry because im unfair to myself doing all this n its not your fault
I hope that when u will find peace in yourself n the love you wished for there will be a day when u will want to understand me just like I did
you were lowkey cruel sometimes, I didnt like the mask you used to protect yourself but I loved you
a long time ago you told me that our friendship reminded you of PC and BoJack when they were "non-toxic". We were lowkey the opposite
yk the worst part? I knew this was gonna happen and i let myself get excited anyway
i never want u to see these messages.I ha11te the thought that with all this mess you could just gossip with someone or you could just dontcare at all
btw i realized you were my Summer and in the meanwhile I was the Summer of other people. Damn
I wish i was a man so I could have learned how to love and so I could have helped you. I have a st11pid heart
lowkey p1sses me off that a man with big arms and psychiatric problems more "serious" than mine makes you despair for months BRO
I have many friends that i ghost random because i dont have the energy to text them back, I love them so why Im texting to u. I should do latin
never gonna reach you again, I hope you will never find all this. Vi would hit me in the head if she knew I was "writing to you"
Like I wonder why I felt loved by you only few times, but at the same time I wonder if you ever felt my love.
-tutorial to me+lowkey when you wanted to teach me how to draw+how you talked to me after talking about your problems.Idk these times I felt seen by u
-you sent me dr house videos (you should have seen my reaction when i saw dr house saying I love u to wilson), that time when you made that makeup-
You never have been. I mean, Vi knows she can trust me. You often talked to me about what was bothering you and the only times I felt loved was when
-fine with this tho because at least when I talked with Vi about all that she was like super proud and likeee shes open hearted with me-
-I had the courage to leave all of these religion things behind me and like the only thing I needed was someone to be proud of me-
(sorry if I got her name wrong) like felt very bad because i thought that you were very annoyed. The thing about magic like, It was the first time I
Ifelt like a big burden but I wanted to stop feeling like that and like when all that chris thing happened (ur mootie, the girl that dated Roses bro)-
The only times I was serious was when I talked about magic and Rose. Felt very uncomfortable because with rose 3/4 of the time Idk how to explain-
-the only one that spoke about their problems (I was still sincere everytime we talked)
I felt very uncomfortable talking about my problems with you. And like when I talked about them it was because i wanted u to feel like you werent-
btw gonna write this here because i need to throw all this out of me (damn im really down bad for talking with a site, sorry creator)-
-It's very likely that I would have fallen in love with you. LIKE i "talked" about this with rose too, crazy (long story)
and no i dont think I fell in love with you, but i was so desperate I thought you were really my firstlove. If you were for the girls too-
My anxious attch. wasnt love but when i was in it I learned about real platonic love that literally cured my anxious attch. in general. Crazy n cool
that makes me look so ridiculous and sentimental for a platonic friendship ex codipendent that lowkey made me think I was in love with you
I think Im the worst type of friend for u, you protect your heart with an armor and react with a brain in constant defense, i react with a silly heart
I wonder if you think of me when you see Wilson, im lowkey the female version of that man. Still think of you when i see house
-of all this, even though I felt like I couldn't do it. Why im so sentimental about things you care 0
-because I didnt want u to think my words were only words. If we were like classmates or smth I would have done for you long letters and then let go-
-this would get u a headache prob. Crazy work but like having a collection was the only thing in my mind I could have done to show how bad down i was-
-when you reposted confusing stuff I took screenshots so I could think about it later. I really wanted to understand you and prob at the thought of-
onthe screens where there was your face i blurred it because I thought it would be uncomfortable for u.plus i havent watched ur profile 400+times-
I was taking screenshots to count how many times I needed to look at your profile to calm my anxiety, cancelled now
not fun fact i have a collection of screenshot i made when i was down bad for u of like 431, I didn't put others in the collections tho-
Like im not gonna swear on that thoo, last time with your reposts i told aurora because i was so worried about you.I dont wanna watch ur reposts again
Actually I could move now but my body can't physically handle the fact that I gave up on someone. Never gonna write to u again tho
Btw i was lowkey moving on and then you appeared in my private account suggestions, BAAAD move ig. And no I didnt write that thing on unsent project
LowkeyI hope you wont see all this, you would probably talk about ts with your friends and idk why but I feel lowkey bad w the thought, im ridiculous
ur the only one that makes me this embarassing, prob because you were the first one to give a name to the feelings i had. Prob you wont understand ts
All this is highkey embarassing ngl, just gonna write random things here until this feeling passes. It probably wont
-and I tried to defend myself.Idk why Im writing all these messages even if you see this you wouldnt care
-anxiety I had when i actually had a bad anxiousattachment. I was very scared and I thought you werent in the mood to listen to this . I was paralyzed
But I couldn't be the only one who constantly had "her heart on the hand". That time when we argued I had a crashout because that made me feel the-
I wanted to stay and prove u wrong about "no one stays" even if you didnt really want to care about me
I only said this to Peppe and somewhat Vi,long story, but like you made me fr angry but that crashout was also made to end our wars
If only I was a man, I think you wouldn't have been so indifferent. Imagine constantly consoling who you want because of a man, crazy work
I still think about you once in a while
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